Notes on Interacting with the Public

Being a mom to Javier is awesome. I listen to my friends talk about raising their kids, and I am grateful that I don't have to harness the type of creativity in parenting that they must; or at least not in the same way.  I never need to worry about disciplining him, or teaching him basic things like how to share with others.  Javi is already just about perfect in his unconditional love for anyone he comes in contact with.  So the hard part is already done. The challenges I do face as a parent often have more to do with our interactions with strangers or acquaintances.  And frankly, it's annoying. So here is a list of the most common "stuff" we deal with, what my response is, and what I'm actually thinking.

 The loooooooooooong stare

Usually performed by a middle aged adult in Target who just can't wrap their mind around a child in a wheelchair.  Also may crash their cart into the isle or another shopper because they are just too busy staring at my kid to watch where they're going.





My response
 Because I'm a human, and I dislike confrontation, I tend to let this slide.   Occassionally I squeeze my way into their sight-line and give an exagerated stare back.  The offender usually blushes before quickly averting their eyes attentively towards the deli meat or tampons or lightbulbs; basically anything in the exact opposite direction of us.

What I'm actually thinking
"Welcome to the world.  People live here.  People look different from each other. You're an ass."


The inappropriate questions disguised as concern



This happens most frequently with people I've recently met.  And by recently I mean sometime within the last 20 minutes. Because within 20 minutes we're friends and everyone is free to be however rude they want to be.  It's fascinating to experience people asking offensive questions with a tone of caring, such as: "If you don't mind me asking (I do), what's wrong with him?" or "So, not to be rude (you are), but does he like, do anything?"




My response
Now I do recognize that some of this is borne out of curiosity.  BUT, I'm curious about a lot of things that would be inappropriate to say out loud (i.e. "did you intend to sound so ignorant, or does that just come naturally?).  So my typical response is something along the lines of  "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean...............so, uh........."  Awkwardness usually does the trick.

What I'm actually thinking
"You seem to be weird and awful, and I don't see other people asking what's wrong with you. Maybe take a lesson." 


The "better off dead" words of wisdom

Ya, this actually happens.  Not that often, but enough that it's worthy of writing about.  Again, this "wisdom" is typically dispensed by people who don't know Javier or myself that well.  So, it goes something like this: "You know, Javi is just such a blessing; suuuuch a blessing (I know, get on with it). But I just can't help but thinking it would be better for him if he just passed on. That way, you  know, he wouldn't suffer anymore...." Usually these sentiments are expressed with their head cocked to the side to convey real sincerity.



My response
"I don't even know what to say to that. Really, you left me speechless. Goodbye."

What I'm actually thinking
"Did you seriously just tell a MOTHER that you think it would be better if her child were dead?! You literally must be one of the least considerate people of all time.  No wait, you're a sociopath and will probably end up on the news and I'll get to say: I knew it!"


And Finally.......

The public prayer

So, in the nature of full disclosure, this has only happened once.  But it was mortifying enough that it mandates discussion!  There Javi and I were, grocery shopping and minding our own business. A seemingly nice woman approached us in the middle of the store and asked if she could pray for my son. This is a somewhat common event, so I said "sure, thank you." and started to move on.  NOPE! Right there in the milk isle, she stepped in front of us, placed her hand on his forehead, and proceeded to LOUDLY command Jesus to "Take the illness from this child!" A small crowd of onlookers gathered for the 1-2 minutes this was going on.  Javi laughed.  I blushed......a lot.




My response
Momentary paralysis, confusion and a small utterance of: "Um.......thank you?" before running from the store.

What I'm actually thinking
 "Did that just happen, like really just happen? Or was I transported to some alternate universe where its appropriate to touch other people's kids and embarrass them for all of time? ugghhhhhhhh!"




This is by no means a comprehensive list of the types of interactions we're constantly faced with. And again, it's annoying. So I just have one request of everyone out there: ACT NORMAL! He's a kid.  Similar to other kids.  He likes to laugh and watch tv and play baseball with friends and do cool stuff. If you cant manage to act normally, then at least don't be super weird or rude. We'd appreciate it.  Thanks.